Mid of June

Dear diary,

It's already mid of June. 

I'm still waiting for the reply whether I pass my interview or not. 

But somehow.... from the deep of my heart,'I wish I failed the interview'.
The longer I stay in my hometown with my family, I don't feel like leaving my hometown.
I feel like staying here until December.
I know I'm too greedy.
I know I shouldn't think of that, but sorry...
I know my boyfriend will think that I am wasting my time.
Yes, i know. Indeed.
Everyday wake up from the bed, accomp parents for breakfast, jogging etc. same routine everyday but I am really happy b'cuz my family is with me.
I know time is gold.
And today I asked my dad:
'HOW IF I DIDN'T PASS MY INTERVIEW'
and he answered me:
'No how, then just follow us go travel on August, accompany papa until December cuz I wont able to see you the next whole year'

I don't know what to say.
I don't know why but recently when I think of I'm am leaving soon on July (maybe), I started to cry.
I become weak when the day turns dark, especially during midnight.
I think of my parents, family and my boyfriend.
You will never ever know how amazing it is when you receive the call from your loved one every night before you go to bed.
I scare if I really get my internship in Maldives, I can't come back here but have to straight fly back to Switzerland. They want me to work until January. That is not my plan thou.

I don't know what to do now.
I just hope my bf don't mad at me when he sees this post.

4 June 2013

"懂你的人，会用你所需要的方式去爱你。不懂你的人，会用他所需要的方式去爱你。于是，懂你的人，常是事半功倍，他爱得自如，你受得幸福。不懂你的人，常是事倍功半，他爱得吃力，你受得辛苦。两个人的世界里，懂比爱，更难做到。"——苏芩 

- 这是我想对你说的话 你懂我 我也懂你 我尽量不去做你不喜欢的事 那你为何不能迁就我？爱你就要接受 你知道我把你看成是我的一辈子 但是弱点一直不改 我们一直为了同样的事情吵 你觉得会幸福吗？ 我知道我弱点很多 我努力地再改  那你为什么就不能为我改一点？- 

Future.

When I heard about this word 'future'. I scare.
I don't know what am I going to be in the next five years.
Where am I in the next five years?
Some people may think that I shouldn't worry about my future b'cuz of my family.
But, one day I'm gonna leave my parents, come out, work and have my own life.
I will graduate on June 2014. No matter I continue my degree on June 2013 or Jan 2014.
Why I choose to have another internship instead of continue study?
Not just because of friends or what,it's because I already made a decision starting from the day when I'm still a higher diploma student.
I wanna try more things, gain more experiences when I'm still a student.
I know that after I graduate, I won't have this opportunity to work in different counties anymore.
Nowadays working permit is hard to apply. I'm really glad that my lecturer helps me to settle all those stuffs.
So why don't I give a try? Some people just don't understand about it and keep saying I'm wasting my time.
And why I choose to continue internship and don't want to go back to Swiss YET? why?
Because there is a boy that I love very much. I wish I can see him more when I finish my internship before I fly back to Swiss. So I want to choose a country that near to Malaysia. I wish I can celebrate his birthday together with him, give him a kiss like 2 years ago.
I need supports from my family, friends and love one. Is that possible?